How to Have Better Orgasms: Valentine’s Day & All Year Long

You might’ve recently seen me quoted in SELF’s article on better orgasms, and it was fun to weigh in on such a juicy topic. But there’s always more to say when it comes to pleasure, connection with your body, and really sinking into what feels good. I wanted to get a bit deeper here and give you some practical ways to enjoy better orgasms.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s a perfect time to slow down and reconnect—whether that’s with a partner or with yourself. Pleasure doesn’t have to be reserved for one day a year, but holidays like this can be a gentle reminder to prioritize intimacy, curiosity, and care for your body.

Start With Your Mind (Yes, Really)

One of the most overlooked “sex organs” is your brain. If you’re distracted or tense, it can be hard to reach orgasm or enjoy the journey. A simple way to reset is diaphragmatic breathing:

1. Inhale through your nose for four seconds.
2. Exhale through your mouth for four seconds.
3. Repeat about four times, or longer if needed, until you feel calmer and more connected to your body.

This kind of breathwork relaxes your pelvic floor and helps you get fully present. Once you feel centered, start exploring your body slowly. Touch areas around your vulva, like your hips, breasts, nipples, or thighs—pay attention to the sensation without rushing straight to clitoral stimulation. If your mind keeps drifting to chores or to-do lists, a quick note to yourself saying, “I’ll get to that later,” can help you settle into the moment and stay connected.

Think of this as creating a small Valentine’s ritual for yourself or with your partner: dim the lights, silence notifications, and give yourself permission to be fully present. Even five intentional minutes can change how your body responds.

Know Your Body and Take Your Time

A lot of people with vulvas feel frustrated when orgasms don’t happen instantly, or even at all. Here’s the reality: it often takes at least 25 minutes of consistent touch, connection, and arousal to really get there. And that’s normal!

Getting to know your body on your own is a powerful tool for achieving better orgasms. Experiment with different types of touch, pressure, and sensation. Using a vibrator can help many people reach climax faster, and it’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of—it’s just another tool for pleasure.

Engage All Your Senses

Your mind and body love variety. Try bringing in new sensory experiences, such as:

• Toys, feathers, or hands for gentle, mindful exploration.
• Scented candles or essential oils to heighten awareness.
• Blindfolds or light sensory play to tune into touch.

Notice how each sensation feels on your skin. Pay attention to the moment-to-moment experience instead of replaying other thoughts or distractions. Mindful touch can take your orgasms from good to unforgettable.

Valentine’s Day can be a great excuse to create a sensory experience — fresh sheets, warm lighting, music you love, or even a favorite chocolate beforehand. Small details can help your nervous system relax and open to pleasure.

Foreplay and Connection for Better Orgasms

Foreplay isn’t just fun—it’s a key step toward better orgasms. Think of your whole body as an erogenous zone and slow down. Build tension, enjoy the sensations, and don’t rush the release.

If you’re with a partner, communication is everything. Ask for what feels good, guide them gently, or even synchronize your breathing together. It’s not just helpful—it’s hot.

Especially around Valentine’s Day, try focusing less on performance and more on connection. Eye contact, slow kissing, or simply holding each other before touching can build safety and intimacy — and that emotional closeness often translates directly into better orgasms.

Tips for Solo or Partnered Play

If you’re spending Valentine’s Day solo, self-pleasure can be a powerful way to celebrate your body and reconnect with yourself.

• Clitoral stimulation is often the powerhouse of orgasm for people with vulvas. Take your time exploring.
• G-spot stimulation combined with clitoral touch can create a “blended orgasm.”
• Try different positions or support your pelvic floor with pillows.
• Edging (delaying climax when you’re close) can make the eventual orgasm more intense.
• Multiple orgasms are possible, but don’t force it. Enjoy the process at your pace.

Key Takeaways for Better Orgasms

• Relax your mind and body first; breathwork is your friend.
• Take time to explore your body and figure out what feels good.
• Engage your senses fully, use tools if you want, and communicate with partners.
• Slow down. Build connection and tension for deeper pleasure.
• Your orgasm—or even not orgasming—is valid. The focus is on connection and enjoyment.

Whether this Valentine’s Day is about romance, self-love, or something in between, better orgasms start with slowing down, listening to your body, and letting go of pressure. Pleasure is a practice — not a performance.

If you’d like support exploring pleasure, intimacy, or connection — with yourself or with a partner — I’d love to help.

👉 Contact me to schedule a session and begin deepening your pleasure today.